i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Boobs speak an international language.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
