4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
