Whod you bang
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
