I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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