Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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