My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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