We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
