they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
