The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
