so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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