he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
