i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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