I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
