so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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