Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
