oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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