Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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