i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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