Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
