My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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