so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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