Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Less talking, more tequila
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
