need another drink. this is the easiest way
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
