I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
