I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
