i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
