I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry my hands just texted you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
