I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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