Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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