You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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