I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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