I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
