I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
