There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
