Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
