i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I FOUND THE LEGS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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