Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
