An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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