Sry I called you an 8
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize