I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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