We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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