He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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