Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize