OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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