Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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