VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
