So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize