yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
