Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
