I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
