I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
