Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
