thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want her autograph on my taint
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
