I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
