I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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