Jerry, you need to find god
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
