Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and she was petting her beer can
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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