WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
