All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
