she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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