i think i have herpe
just one?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
