I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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