I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
