U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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