Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
