You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
