opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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